JEFECITO Best and Worst Music of 2008

Wow, 2008 was a terrible year for music. I’m not sad to see this year in music over one bit. For every one great album that was released, ten huge piles of dick came along with it. Fortunately, the good albums were quite excellent, which did allow 2008 to at least be bearable.
To keep the list simple, there are no rankings; rather just many albums I equally enjoyed the most throughout the year.

As for the worst albums, I picked a variety of terrible, all different genres. However, all are bigger names that most of you will know. In a strange turn of events, three artists I picked for the worst albums list are based out of Tennessee. If you have Tennessee on a list of places to visit, I’d suggest crossing it off right now.

Just as the best of list, I’m not ordering the worst. Shit is shit; it doesn’t matter if it’s dog shit, horseshit or bird shit. Why would I judge which one smells the worst? AMIRITE?

Here it is my best of 2008.

Cut Chemist and DJ Shadow
The Hard Sell (Encore)






There has been a lot said lately about mash-ups lately, but mash-up artists use computers and samplers to match songs. Cut Chemist and Shadow do a similar thing on this album, but only use eight turntables and 45’s. A spectacular feat in itself, but they also performed this live. Damn, wish I could have seen the craziness unfold. Anyone can listen to this and hear something they like.


The Magnetic Fields
Distortion





I didn’t see this on any magazines best of list, and that is a shame. While everyone was busy jocking Coldplay, they forgot about another classic album from these guys. Play this around someone you want to fuck and it will happen.


Langhorne Slim
Self Titled





Langhorne Slim is a New York band that should be a lot bigger than they are. I figured these guys would be huge by now, especially with catchy tunes and a decent sized following at every concert I’ve seen them play. This album goes from a nice relaxing pace to an up beat dance tune on a dime.


Gza
Pro Tools
+
Rza
Digi Snacks


Do you know why the last Wu-tang album wasn’t all that great? The Rza kept all the good beats for his solo album.

Pro Tools is a complex album that features all the best Gza has to offer: storytelling, metaphors and acronymic break down of entire songs. It truly shows his place as THE poet of hip-hop. As he says, “Name a nigga that can stop the force that I strike with. Let alone try to hold the pen that I write with.” You can’t. This album stands on it’s own with the rest of Gza’s releases.

As for Digi Snacks by the Rza, it’s a complete album from start to finish, side to side. The production value of this album far surpasses any hip-hop album of recent memory and the rhymes are thought out and delivered with the voice of persistence. A highly overlooked album especially in comparison to previous Rza albums, most of which aren’t spectacular.


Willie Nelson & Wynton Marsalis
Two Men with the Blues






Willie Nelson has tried crossing over into different genres for a few years now. I’m sure we all remember the disastrous reggae album that came out a few years back. This crossover, into the blues, is a much better match for his voice, and he paired himself with another equally inventive artist, Wynton Marsalis. This album sounds a lot better than it does on paper.


Immortal Technique
The 3rd World





The most pissed off albums I listened to in 2008. Immortal Technique is filling the void Rage Against the Machine left, and he's doing pretty well for himself. Great beats and Lyrics. Don't sleep on this guy because he has a million followers that would drink the grape Kool-Aid.


The Mars Volta
Bedlam in Goliath





This album was almost derailed by the curse of an Ouija board. It’s safe to say I’d listen to this if Ned Flanders released it.


Bob Dylan
Tell Tale Signs





Bob knows how to please his audience. He hits the vault for another album full of unreleased songs and live recordings. Every time Bob puts out another Bootleg volume I swear he can’t top it, yet ALWAYS does.


Atmosphere
Strictly Leakage
+
When Life gives you Lemons, you Paint That Shit Gold



Strictly Leakage was a precursor to When Life… and is a free internet album. This is the best free album I’ve ever gotten. You can get it here. Download it right now you won’t regret it.

Slug the MC has always been able to word paint a Monet with his quick observations from life. On When Life… he is not just painting, he’s creating scenes for movies with ease. This album tops an already solid career for Atmosphere. Is this because Atmosphere recorded live instruments for most of the album? Partly, but the emotion that shows through the lyrics is as undeniable as a Catholic priest’s attraction to the Altar boy.


Portishead
Third





Wow, Portishead was really creative when they named this album… Anyway, I didn’t like this album the first listen through. Yet, after repeated listening, it grew on me. If you didn’t like this album, you deserve it to yourself to give it another few plays. And before this came out, who would have thought Portishead would play some ukulele?


Melvins
Nude with Boots





Old dude rock music from Seattle. Throw out your Sublime records and spark up a joint to this.


Brian Wilson
That Lucky Old Sun





Te Quiero, Te Quiero! Grampa gets back to his roots and writes songs about the beach, surfer girls, and anything else that made a pre-Pet Sounds Beach Boys good. This album goes off the deep end and has some unintentionally hilarious narratives and an obsession with the term, “The Heart Beat of LA.” But it’s solid album. Way better than Smile.


Okkervil River
The Stage Names





These guys are having a silent contest with Slipknot on who can have more people in a band. But don’t let that detour your, this will impress even the worst music snob.


TV on the Radio
Dear Science





Hardly the best of what this band has to offer, yet a good album; even if it was made by a bunch of New York hipsters.


Oasis
Dig out your Soul





You should already have this. I’m not going to say anything else.


Eagles of Death Metal
Heart On





I’ve known for a while that these guys are solid, but I always forgot about them when I would buy CD’s. When I finally got around to getting this, I felt dumb. I didn’t realize I was missing out on so much.


Sigur Rós
Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust





Taking the atmospheric sweeps out of their music shows a lot more of what these guys can accomplish. This album wins my vote for their best.

Nas
The Nigger Tape





Only one artist made the best of list twice, DJ Green Lantern. His inclusion is due to his support of other artists, Immortal Technique and Nas. Don't get me wrong, I love Nas, but Green Lantern definitely deserves some props. The Nigger Tape would not have made my top list without the DJ Green Lantern mix down. He tore Nas’ album apart and threw in a bunch of unreleased tracks to top it all off. Not only is Green Lantern in tune and on time and he holds mass in the production booth. If this is the future of Hip-Hop, I’ll buy this ticket and take the ride.


Here’s the Worst of 2008. Britney Spears deserved a spot here but what is left to say about her?


Panic at the Disco
pretty.odd.





Frat boys and high school football players were jizzing all over each other to finally have another album from these tools. Does the lead singer still dress up like Willie Wonka and prance around like a drag queen at a dick farm?


Slipknot
All Hope Is Gone





It’s to bad Maggots (Slipknot fans self bestowed name) don’t kill themselves like Judas Priest fans did in the 80’s. I’d like Slipknot a lot more if that was the case.


Nickleback
Dark Horse
+
3 doors down
Self Titled


These two bands took over Creed’s spot in rock history writing generic and safe rock songs for Army Soldiers and guys who only wear teal wife beaters.


Guns n’ Roses
Chinese Democracy





I listened to this in a bar the week it came out and I haven’t bothered listening to it after that. It just didn’t seem to stand out in any way to me. I’m a big GNR fan, but this doesn’t cut it. Go listen to Rocket Queen again and compare any song on Chinese Democracy. The last minute and a half of Rocket queen blows this entire album out of the water. I can’t believe I was looking forward to this album for about eight years now. This is the biggest letdown I’ve ever had musically.


Def Leppard
Songs from the Sparkle Lounge





I hate this band so much, yet I’ve always wanted to see a Def Leppard concert. I’m mostly interested in going to laugh at the drummer with his one arm flailing wildly trying to play Pour Some Sugar on Me.


Paramore
The Final Riot





This is the first band from Tennessee to make the worst of List, and they started out as a funk band. YEHAW! How the fuck does this band get big, and people still wonder who The Cardigans are? It just makes no sense, Mr. Hat!

This is just another record company formula. Lets pair a hot chick with a bunch of good looking dudes with slick haircuts. The sad part is, they didn’t even get a good looking girl. This broad isn’t hot, and you know it. If the bitch in this band were just a regular girl ringing up your groceries, you wouldn’t beat off thinking about her in the closet every night.


Pink
Funhouse





I’ll start this review by attacking Pink for looking like a fat manbearpig. Second, You know she has a penis comparable to the size of Tommy Lee. Finally, I imagine SOMEONE said, “Hey Pink, you really should think about changing the name to your new album. Fun House happens to be the same name as a most influential Stooges album.”

To which Pink replied, “Not Exactly, I took out the space and made it one word. And who the fuck is the Stooges? Larry Curly and Mo?”


Miley Cyrus
Breakout





Second on the list to hail from Tennessee! All I can think of saying about her is I can’t wait to see this meat pit in a rehab center because THEN we will get to see Billy Ray cry on his mullet.

I also need to call out Bret Ratner, the director of the lead off music video, 7 Things. Dude, you directed Triumph for Wu-Tang, and Make them Suffer By Cannibal Corpse. What the fuck happened here…someone kill this guy. I’m looking at you Corpse Grinder.


Kings of Leon
Only by the Night





Another bunch of hicks from Tennessee playing bland repetitive songs hipster fucks play while eating each other’s cum.

I don’t understand why people have such a hard-on for these scene whores. Every time I tell someone who likes this band how much I can’t stand this shit, I get a similar blank stare looking back at me. It’s the type of stare you will receive if you ever have to tell your best friend about doing his mom in the ass. This band sucks; get over it.


The Killers
Day & Age






You know those shirts that your Grandma brings you from her trip to the Zoo with the other senior citizens? That is what this albums first music video reminds me of, a shitty white tiger shirt, just like this one.

How is this shit popular? Its Zoo Books inspired music video can’t win points with many people. And By the way, I sincerely doubt that Hunter S. Thompson intended the line, “are we human or our we dancer” to be included in as fruity a song as this. In fact, it’s more of a shot at “dancers,” much like these guys appear to be.


The Smashing Pumpkins
American Gothic





Dear Billy Corgan,

You know how Chinese Democracy blows and let all the real Guns n’ Roses fans down? Well, I think you see where this is going. Call up D’arcy and James; I’m pretty sure they aren’t too busy. Hell, bring the dead pianist back too. Please, put at least some effort into singing, maybe try eating some gravel to help your voice. Also, try playing some of your old songs at concerts. That would make sense right? No one really cares about this new shit, and if you aren’t going to play old Smashing Pumpkins songs you might as well still call your band Zwan.

And finally, try to look a little more like Uncle Fester.

That’s about it.

Love,
Jefecito


Beyonce
I Am…Sasha Fierce





Not only does this album have the worst title in the history of music, but also at least two songs on here were blatantly ripped off from the original writers. Fake R&B for people who don't care about quality, most of the United States. People listening to this are women who watch Oprah and generally complain about everything.

I hate this cunt worse than the burning sensation in my dick when I take a piss every morning.


Danity Kane
Welcome to the Doll House





More like Welcome to the Whore House. Fuck MTV, Puff Daddy, and anyone else responsible for this shit being produced.


Whitesnake
Good to be Bad
+
White Lion
Return of the Pride


Who would have thought that these two bands would still around back in 1990? My guess would be only the bands themselves. I’m pretty sure that White Lion has been playing shows in bowling alleys filling the void left by Quiet Riot after Kevin DuBrow died.

As for White Snake, they are stretching out their rock and roll dreams worse than Spinal Tap. It won’t be long before they are opening for the puppet show.


Ashlee Simpson
Bittersweet World
+
Fall Out Boy
Folie à Deux


Someone tell these two mongoloid retards that naming a baby is different then naming a pet. I guess it could be worse; they could have named him Queens. Why couldn’t these two have been on that plane with DJAM and Travis Barker?


Blind Melon
For my Friends





…or for a lot of money. I’m glad I never got into this band. In fact, I always hated this band and their fans. Anyone who bought this album deserves to be fucked with a knife. Bringing this band back is the equivalent to resurrecting Hitler.


Jason Mraz
We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things





I hate white guys who jam power chords and rap on top of their strums as if they are channeling Bob Marley.

If I had to pick the most vomit inducing song of 2008 it would be I’m Yours. Hollister girls and white dudes in pooka shell necklaces with visors jam out to this shit while drinking their Bacardi Silver and Bud Light. Shitty music for stupid white people. Could you see a Mexican listening to this? Hell no. Obama wouldn't even put up with this garbage.


Scarlet Johansson
Anywhere I Lay my Head





Somehow this bitch fooled David Bowie, one of the dudes from TV on the Radio, along with members of the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s to help her massacre some of the best Tom Waits songs. She somehow got the idea that she had a great voice, probably because people who kiss her ass constantly surround her. Anywhere I lay my Head is terribly reinforces the fact that David Bowie hasn’t been significant for the past 20 years.


Vampire Weekend
Self Titled





This is the audio equivalent to the Dakota Fanning rape scene in the movie Hound Dog. If you want a good African influenced album, go get Graceland by Paul Simon. Leave this shit to people who THINK they know good music. Easily the most boring album of 2008.


Katy Perry
One of the Boys





Unsuccessful Christian musician with HORRIBLE style (read: Beatty Page is dead, you look like a clown) crosses over into the pop realm with the much loathed and terribly obnoxious attention grabber, I Kissed a Girl. Congratulations, you are now the biggest whore in the world. Go back to Sunday school you cum dumpster and quit this shtick. And while you’re at it quit smelling you armpit in every goddamn picture.