JEFECITO Best and Worst Music of 2008

Wow, 2008 was a terrible year for music. I’m not sad to see this year in music over one bit. For every one great album that was released, ten huge piles of dick came along with it. Fortunately, the good albums were quite excellent, which did allow 2008 to at least be bearable.
To keep the list simple, there are no rankings; rather just many albums I equally enjoyed the most throughout the year.

As for the worst albums, I picked a variety of terrible, all different genres. However, all are bigger names that most of you will know. In a strange turn of events, three artists I picked for the worst albums list are based out of Tennessee. If you have Tennessee on a list of places to visit, I’d suggest crossing it off right now.

Just as the best of list, I’m not ordering the worst. Shit is shit; it doesn’t matter if it’s dog shit, horseshit or bird shit. Why would I judge which one smells the worst? AMIRITE?

Here it is my best of 2008.

Cut Chemist and DJ Shadow
The Hard Sell (Encore)






There has been a lot said lately about mash-ups lately, but mash-up artists use computers and samplers to match songs. Cut Chemist and Shadow do a similar thing on this album, but only use eight turntables and 45’s. A spectacular feat in itself, but they also performed this live. Damn, wish I could have seen the craziness unfold. Anyone can listen to this and hear something they like.


The Magnetic Fields
Distortion





I didn’t see this on any magazines best of list, and that is a shame. While everyone was busy jocking Coldplay, they forgot about another classic album from these guys. Play this around someone you want to fuck and it will happen.


Langhorne Slim
Self Titled





Langhorne Slim is a New York band that should be a lot bigger than they are. I figured these guys would be huge by now, especially with catchy tunes and a decent sized following at every concert I’ve seen them play. This album goes from a nice relaxing pace to an up beat dance tune on a dime.


Gza
Pro Tools
+
Rza
Digi Snacks


Do you know why the last Wu-tang album wasn’t all that great? The Rza kept all the good beats for his solo album.

Pro Tools is a complex album that features all the best Gza has to offer: storytelling, metaphors and acronymic break down of entire songs. It truly shows his place as THE poet of hip-hop. As he says, “Name a nigga that can stop the force that I strike with. Let alone try to hold the pen that I write with.” You can’t. This album stands on it’s own with the rest of Gza’s releases.

As for Digi Snacks by the Rza, it’s a complete album from start to finish, side to side. The production value of this album far surpasses any hip-hop album of recent memory and the rhymes are thought out and delivered with the voice of persistence. A highly overlooked album especially in comparison to previous Rza albums, most of which aren’t spectacular.


Willie Nelson & Wynton Marsalis
Two Men with the Blues






Willie Nelson has tried crossing over into different genres for a few years now. I’m sure we all remember the disastrous reggae album that came out a few years back. This crossover, into the blues, is a much better match for his voice, and he paired himself with another equally inventive artist, Wynton Marsalis. This album sounds a lot better than it does on paper.


Immortal Technique
The 3rd World





The most pissed off albums I listened to in 2008. Immortal Technique is filling the void Rage Against the Machine left, and he's doing pretty well for himself. Great beats and Lyrics. Don't sleep on this guy because he has a million followers that would drink the grape Kool-Aid.


The Mars Volta
Bedlam in Goliath





This album was almost derailed by the curse of an Ouija board. It’s safe to say I’d listen to this if Ned Flanders released it.


Bob Dylan
Tell Tale Signs





Bob knows how to please his audience. He hits the vault for another album full of unreleased songs and live recordings. Every time Bob puts out another Bootleg volume I swear he can’t top it, yet ALWAYS does.


Atmosphere
Strictly Leakage
+
When Life gives you Lemons, you Paint That Shit Gold



Strictly Leakage was a precursor to When Life… and is a free internet album. This is the best free album I’ve ever gotten. You can get it here. Download it right now you won’t regret it.

Slug the MC has always been able to word paint a Monet with his quick observations from life. On When Life… he is not just painting, he’s creating scenes for movies with ease. This album tops an already solid career for Atmosphere. Is this because Atmosphere recorded live instruments for most of the album? Partly, but the emotion that shows through the lyrics is as undeniable as a Catholic priest’s attraction to the Altar boy.


Portishead
Third





Wow, Portishead was really creative when they named this album… Anyway, I didn’t like this album the first listen through. Yet, after repeated listening, it grew on me. If you didn’t like this album, you deserve it to yourself to give it another few plays. And before this came out, who would have thought Portishead would play some ukulele?


Melvins
Nude with Boots





Old dude rock music from Seattle. Throw out your Sublime records and spark up a joint to this.


Brian Wilson
That Lucky Old Sun





Te Quiero, Te Quiero! Grampa gets back to his roots and writes songs about the beach, surfer girls, and anything else that made a pre-Pet Sounds Beach Boys good. This album goes off the deep end and has some unintentionally hilarious narratives and an obsession with the term, “The Heart Beat of LA.” But it’s solid album. Way better than Smile.


Okkervil River
The Stage Names





These guys are having a silent contest with Slipknot on who can have more people in a band. But don’t let that detour your, this will impress even the worst music snob.


TV on the Radio
Dear Science





Hardly the best of what this band has to offer, yet a good album; even if it was made by a bunch of New York hipsters.


Oasis
Dig out your Soul





You should already have this. I’m not going to say anything else.


Eagles of Death Metal
Heart On





I’ve known for a while that these guys are solid, but I always forgot about them when I would buy CD’s. When I finally got around to getting this, I felt dumb. I didn’t realize I was missing out on so much.


Sigur Rós
Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust





Taking the atmospheric sweeps out of their music shows a lot more of what these guys can accomplish. This album wins my vote for their best.

Nas
The Nigger Tape





Only one artist made the best of list twice, DJ Green Lantern. His inclusion is due to his support of other artists, Immortal Technique and Nas. Don't get me wrong, I love Nas, but Green Lantern definitely deserves some props. The Nigger Tape would not have made my top list without the DJ Green Lantern mix down. He tore Nas’ album apart and threw in a bunch of unreleased tracks to top it all off. Not only is Green Lantern in tune and on time and he holds mass in the production booth. If this is the future of Hip-Hop, I’ll buy this ticket and take the ride.


Here’s the Worst of 2008. Britney Spears deserved a spot here but what is left to say about her?


Panic at the Disco
pretty.odd.





Frat boys and high school football players were jizzing all over each other to finally have another album from these tools. Does the lead singer still dress up like Willie Wonka and prance around like a drag queen at a dick farm?


Slipknot
All Hope Is Gone





It’s to bad Maggots (Slipknot fans self bestowed name) don’t kill themselves like Judas Priest fans did in the 80’s. I’d like Slipknot a lot more if that was the case.


Nickleback
Dark Horse
+
3 doors down
Self Titled


These two bands took over Creed’s spot in rock history writing generic and safe rock songs for Army Soldiers and guys who only wear teal wife beaters.


Guns n’ Roses
Chinese Democracy





I listened to this in a bar the week it came out and I haven’t bothered listening to it after that. It just didn’t seem to stand out in any way to me. I’m a big GNR fan, but this doesn’t cut it. Go listen to Rocket Queen again and compare any song on Chinese Democracy. The last minute and a half of Rocket queen blows this entire album out of the water. I can’t believe I was looking forward to this album for about eight years now. This is the biggest letdown I’ve ever had musically.


Def Leppard
Songs from the Sparkle Lounge





I hate this band so much, yet I’ve always wanted to see a Def Leppard concert. I’m mostly interested in going to laugh at the drummer with his one arm flailing wildly trying to play Pour Some Sugar on Me.


Paramore
The Final Riot





This is the first band from Tennessee to make the worst of List, and they started out as a funk band. YEHAW! How the fuck does this band get big, and people still wonder who The Cardigans are? It just makes no sense, Mr. Hat!

This is just another record company formula. Lets pair a hot chick with a bunch of good looking dudes with slick haircuts. The sad part is, they didn’t even get a good looking girl. This broad isn’t hot, and you know it. If the bitch in this band were just a regular girl ringing up your groceries, you wouldn’t beat off thinking about her in the closet every night.


Pink
Funhouse





I’ll start this review by attacking Pink for looking like a fat manbearpig. Second, You know she has a penis comparable to the size of Tommy Lee. Finally, I imagine SOMEONE said, “Hey Pink, you really should think about changing the name to your new album. Fun House happens to be the same name as a most influential Stooges album.”

To which Pink replied, “Not Exactly, I took out the space and made it one word. And who the fuck is the Stooges? Larry Curly and Mo?”


Miley Cyrus
Breakout





Second on the list to hail from Tennessee! All I can think of saying about her is I can’t wait to see this meat pit in a rehab center because THEN we will get to see Billy Ray cry on his mullet.

I also need to call out Bret Ratner, the director of the lead off music video, 7 Things. Dude, you directed Triumph for Wu-Tang, and Make them Suffer By Cannibal Corpse. What the fuck happened here…someone kill this guy. I’m looking at you Corpse Grinder.


Kings of Leon
Only by the Night





Another bunch of hicks from Tennessee playing bland repetitive songs hipster fucks play while eating each other’s cum.

I don’t understand why people have such a hard-on for these scene whores. Every time I tell someone who likes this band how much I can’t stand this shit, I get a similar blank stare looking back at me. It’s the type of stare you will receive if you ever have to tell your best friend about doing his mom in the ass. This band sucks; get over it.


The Killers
Day & Age






You know those shirts that your Grandma brings you from her trip to the Zoo with the other senior citizens? That is what this albums first music video reminds me of, a shitty white tiger shirt, just like this one.

How is this shit popular? Its Zoo Books inspired music video can’t win points with many people. And By the way, I sincerely doubt that Hunter S. Thompson intended the line, “are we human or our we dancer” to be included in as fruity a song as this. In fact, it’s more of a shot at “dancers,” much like these guys appear to be.


The Smashing Pumpkins
American Gothic





Dear Billy Corgan,

You know how Chinese Democracy blows and let all the real Guns n’ Roses fans down? Well, I think you see where this is going. Call up D’arcy and James; I’m pretty sure they aren’t too busy. Hell, bring the dead pianist back too. Please, put at least some effort into singing, maybe try eating some gravel to help your voice. Also, try playing some of your old songs at concerts. That would make sense right? No one really cares about this new shit, and if you aren’t going to play old Smashing Pumpkins songs you might as well still call your band Zwan.

And finally, try to look a little more like Uncle Fester.

That’s about it.

Love,
Jefecito


Beyonce
I Am…Sasha Fierce





Not only does this album have the worst title in the history of music, but also at least two songs on here were blatantly ripped off from the original writers. Fake R&B for people who don't care about quality, most of the United States. People listening to this are women who watch Oprah and generally complain about everything.

I hate this cunt worse than the burning sensation in my dick when I take a piss every morning.


Danity Kane
Welcome to the Doll House





More like Welcome to the Whore House. Fuck MTV, Puff Daddy, and anyone else responsible for this shit being produced.


Whitesnake
Good to be Bad
+
White Lion
Return of the Pride


Who would have thought that these two bands would still around back in 1990? My guess would be only the bands themselves. I’m pretty sure that White Lion has been playing shows in bowling alleys filling the void left by Quiet Riot after Kevin DuBrow died.

As for White Snake, they are stretching out their rock and roll dreams worse than Spinal Tap. It won’t be long before they are opening for the puppet show.


Ashlee Simpson
Bittersweet World
+
Fall Out Boy
Folie à Deux


Someone tell these two mongoloid retards that naming a baby is different then naming a pet. I guess it could be worse; they could have named him Queens. Why couldn’t these two have been on that plane with DJAM and Travis Barker?


Blind Melon
For my Friends





…or for a lot of money. I’m glad I never got into this band. In fact, I always hated this band and their fans. Anyone who bought this album deserves to be fucked with a knife. Bringing this band back is the equivalent to resurrecting Hitler.


Jason Mraz
We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things





I hate white guys who jam power chords and rap on top of their strums as if they are channeling Bob Marley.

If I had to pick the most vomit inducing song of 2008 it would be I’m Yours. Hollister girls and white dudes in pooka shell necklaces with visors jam out to this shit while drinking their Bacardi Silver and Bud Light. Shitty music for stupid white people. Could you see a Mexican listening to this? Hell no. Obama wouldn't even put up with this garbage.


Scarlet Johansson
Anywhere I Lay my Head





Somehow this bitch fooled David Bowie, one of the dudes from TV on the Radio, along with members of the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s to help her massacre some of the best Tom Waits songs. She somehow got the idea that she had a great voice, probably because people who kiss her ass constantly surround her. Anywhere I lay my Head is terribly reinforces the fact that David Bowie hasn’t been significant for the past 20 years.


Vampire Weekend
Self Titled





This is the audio equivalent to the Dakota Fanning rape scene in the movie Hound Dog. If you want a good African influenced album, go get Graceland by Paul Simon. Leave this shit to people who THINK they know good music. Easily the most boring album of 2008.


Katy Perry
One of the Boys





Unsuccessful Christian musician with HORRIBLE style (read: Beatty Page is dead, you look like a clown) crosses over into the pop realm with the much loathed and terribly obnoxious attention grabber, I Kissed a Girl. Congratulations, you are now the biggest whore in the world. Go back to Sunday school you cum dumpster and quit this shtick. And while you’re at it quit smelling you armpit in every goddamn picture.

Welcome To Ver. 2.0 of Jefecito.com

Here it is. After over a year of promised updates to JEFECITO.com, I posted something besides a myspace page. It's not what I want for JEFECITO.com, I still have many plans for my first .com, but it's a step in the right direction. And it will allow me to compile a lot of things I have written in the past to one centralized location.

Everything I have ever written online will be moved here, even the old horrible shit. Pretty much everything I have ever written is terrible, but you might laugh at some point or another. I'm not proud of any thing in particular , but I figured no one will look at this anyway.

So as it stands right now, I am copying all of my Livejournal posts from 2003 until 2005 over here. For reference my livejournal.com was djmogus.livejournal.com.

I then blogged online at Myspace.com/niggerkins, my personal myspace from 2006 on.

Since this officially ends the reign of JEFECITO being my Myspace, I encourage anyone who happens to read this and know me to Bookmark my shit.

I will be working the kinks out over the next few days and tweaking this here and there.

JEFE

Twilight is a piece of shit...

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Twilight is a piece of shit... ..That is used for Space Docking. If you aren't in the know of what space docking is exactly, Check google. It'll make you laugh. Back to Twilight; What a retarded space docking piece of shit. As I'm sure you guessed, I didn't go see the movie. I've never read any of the books, so why do I write about it? Well, because of the retarded hysteria and fan base that it has created. In all honesty I'd rather read a book written by Trig Palin (Yes, the retarded baby) before Twilight. Robert "not Sure" Pattinson is causing Stupid little girls to faint and trample each other at meet and greets. What the Fuck? Seriously, What the hell is wrong with teenage Girls and Perez Hilton fans? I recently did an exhaustive analysis of fainting teenage girls and random tramplings over the last 50 years. Through my results I determined the only time fainting wasn't a retarded gimmick was when the Beatles arrived at JFK airport in 1964. As for trampling, there are many more cases of trampling that are much cooler then a Twilight fan being trampled in a mall. Take for instance a trampling that occurred in 1991 at AC/DC concert in Salt Lake city, where the audience killed two people. What is More Hard Core, AC/DC or Twilight? If you need me to answer this one, here's a kick in the nuts. While i'm on the subject of how shitty Twilight fans are, here is a list of generic shit Twilight fans like: Hot Topic Bud Light Hollister McRib Sprite The Yankees Hummers iPhones Sarah Palin Carla Bruni Marlboro lights Chain Wallets Nalgene Bottles Moleskin Notebooks Chinese Democracy There you go. I've now given you objective reasons not to like Twilight. Do you really want to be known as a Space Docker? JEFECITO 10:44 PM

Sex, Sports and Politics

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Sex, Sports and Politics This post won't have anything to do with sex. I really don't have anything to say about that, other than I have stayed slut free, true to my word. And if you need a reminder about my definition of slut, check here. As for the sports front, the only sports I will be discussing is the Dodgers. As most of you can tell, the Dodgers are my sports team, and they have been for the past 20 years. Because of the Players strike of 1994 and moving out of the Los Angeles area, I lost touch with my team for a while. I've never been a bigger Dodger fan in my life than over the past year and a half, mostly because of my good friend Andrew There has never been a better time to be a fan of the Dodgers, or baseball for that matter. The 2008 Season was the Dodgers 50th season in Los Angeles after moving to the west coast from Brooklyn. I was lucky enough to see three games this season; One being an Exhibition game at Dodgers stadium. The second game also a Red Sox Exhibition game, This being played in the Historical Los Angeles Coliseum; Notable for being the most attended baseball game EVER. Finally, I saw the NLDS game three at Dodger Stadium, where the Dodgers swept the Chicago Cubs in a five game series and won their first playoff series in 20 years. Now, if you keep up with baseball you know that the Dodgers were defeated by the Phillies in five games. We showed a lot of promise in the series, but I believe the Dodgers were defeated by inexperience and that Dodger fans have a lot to look to in the next three years. We had an excellent team this year, and the addition of Manny Ramirez for the last two months of the season most definitely put the team in the Playoffs. I probably differ from 99% of Dodger fans, but I think that re-signing Manny will be a grave mistake for the team. Manny is looking at signing a five or six year contract, and it is estimated the team that closes the deal with him will be paying $20-30 Mil. a season to add him to their roster. Manny is already 36, and his knees are showing wear from play and age. It is no secret that Manny wants to lock in a longer contract while he still has great stats and that in the last couple of years on the contract he might not be in shape to be a starter. He's old for baseball, and even if he still can hit home runs when he is in his forty's, he won't be the defensive player he is now. If the Dodgers can sign him for a three year contract, It will be money well spent. Any longer on a contract will be a waste for the team. I guarantee Manny will not retire wearing a Dodgers Uniform. If the Dodgers Do sign him to a long term contract, he will be traded to an AL team when his knees give way. At least for an AL team he will be able to play as a DH. That might make sense, but the Dodgers would still be eating a lot of money to sign him long term and trade him in the future. I'm not talking Shit on the guy. I loved what he Did for Los Angeles, And I'd love for some miracle deal to work out and have Manny come back to our team. He's an exciting player to watch, yet i'm scared that the Dodgers will be left screwed in the end of a long contract. ----- "The State is but the executive for the capitalist" - Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels Check back later for my politics. I'm going to bed. 11:46 AM

Fuck you Katy Perry

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Fuck you Katy Perry I hope this guy doesn't mind me posting his review of Katy Perry's Shit single, "I Kissed a Girl." OR, as i prefer to call it, "I Kissed a Shit Sandwich." ---- By Michaelangelo Matos "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry Stranger Personals (Capitol) Of course we should have seen Sarah Palin coming. All we had to do was look at the music charts. Which song dominated American radio airplay this summer? Not M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes," despite the deserved critical excitement when it jumped into the top five on the back of Pineapple Express; not Miley Cyrus; not the Jonas Brothers; and not even Coldplay. It was Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl," a pseudofeminist exploitation number whose cynicism has been topped this year only by the RNC. Perry is an ex-Christian singer who has seized the main chance. "I Kissed a Girl" marries an overbearing glam-rock shuffle-stomp—think of Gary Glitter's "Rock & Roll Part 2" with the beat audibly fraying at the edges, as if the producers figured the only way to reach America's heart was to pulverize—with Perry's shrill singing, which seems less rooted in a musical style than a personality type. Forget about lesbian until graduation; Perry is a lesbian until the camera switches off—the loudest girl in the Girls Gone Wild infomercial. Each to her own, but she sounds so robotic it's hard to sense much in the way of human impulse there. The lyrics just make it worse. She kisses a girl—sure, okay. She likes it—um, and? Oh, and she hopes her boyfriend doesn't mind, because sexual autonomy is inextricable from the male gaze, and that's fucking awesome. "I Kissed a Girl" is infuriatingly ass-backward: cynical adherence to outdated values made into titillation, snide calculation dressed up as the underdog, the same old bullshit disguised as rebellion. Those traits have dominated recent election news. Writing in Salon about why Palin gives her nightmares, Rebecca Traister could have been describing "I Kissed a Girl": "What Palin so seductively represents... is a form of feminine power that is utterly digestible to those who have no intellectual or political use for actual women. It's like some dystopian future... feminism without any feminists." What's worse is that people are falling for it, mistaking a pat on the head for progress. It takes a nation of Katy Perrys to hold us back. recommended ---- This is taken from thestranger.com, A Seattle based publication on all things awesome. Check em' out, really good shit. JEFE 6:18 PM

Bitch, You Ain't Shit

Nigga, I'm the shit.




If you think this is meant for you, it is. Fuck you Hoes.

JEFE

Ain’t today the day that you can get free slurpees and shit at 7-11?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Ain’t today the day that you can get free slurpees and shit at 7-11? Kidding. I've posted this before. It's My favorite Lit. on 9-11, By Hunter S. Thompson: It was just after dawn in Woody Creek, Colo., when the first plane hit the World Trade Center in New York City on Tuesday morning, and as usual I was writing about sports. But not for long. Football suddenly seemed irrelevant, compared to the scenes of destruction and utter devastation coming out of New York on TV. Even ESPN was broadcasting war news. It was the worst disaster in the history of the United States, including Pearl Harbor, the San Francisco earthquake and probably the Battle of Antietam in 1862, when 23,000 were slaughtered in one day. The Battle of the World Trade Center lasted about 99 minutes and cost 20,000 lives in two hours (according to unofficial estimates as of midnight Tuesday). The final numbers, including those from the supposedly impregnable Pentagon, across the Potomac River from Washington, likely will be higher. Anything that kills 300 trained firefighters in two hours is a world-class disaster. And it was not even Bombs that caused this massive damage. No nuclear missiles were launched from any foreign soil, no enemy bombers flew over New York and Washington to rain death on innocent Americans. No. It was four commercial jetliners. They were the first flights of the day from American and United Airlines, piloted by skilled and loyal U.S. citizens, and there was nothing suspicious about them when they took off from Newark, N.J., and Dulles in D.C. and Logan in Boston on routine cross-country flights to the West Coast with fully-loaded fuel tanks -- which would soon explode on impact and utterly destroy the world-famous Twin Towers of downtown Manhattan's World Trade Center. Boom! Boom! Just like that. The towers are gone now, reduced to bloody rubble, along with all hopes for Peace in Our Time, in the United States or any other country. Make no mistake about it: We are At War now -- with somebody -- and we will stay At War with that mysterious Enemy for the rest of our lives. It will be a Religious War, a sort of Christian Jihad, fueled by religious hatred and led by merciless fanatics on both sides. It will be guerilla warfare on a global scale, with no front lines and no identifiable enemy. Osama bin Laden may be a primitive "figurehead" -- or even dead, for all we know -- but whoever put those All-American jet planes loaded with All-American fuel into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon did it with chilling precision and accuracy. The second one was a dead-on bullseye. Straight into the middle of the skyscraper. Nothing -- even George Bush's $350 billion "Star Wars" missile defense system -- could have prevented Tuesday's attack, and it cost next to nothing to pull off. Fewer than 20 unarmed Suicide soldiers from some apparently primitive country somewhere on the other side of the world took out the World Trade Center and half the Pentagon with three quick and costless strikes on one day. The efficiency of it was terrifying. We are going to punish somebody for this attack, but just who or what will be blown to smithereens for it is hard to say. Maybe Afghanistan, maybe Pakistan or Iraq, or possibly all three at once. Who knows? Not even the Generals in what remains of the Pentagon or the New York papers calling for WAR seem to know who did it or where to look for them. This is going to be a very expensive war, and Victory is not guaranteed -- for anyone, and certainly not for anyone as baffled as George W. Bush. All he knows is that his father started the war a long time ago, and that he, the goofy child-President, has been chosen by Fate and the global Oil industry to finish it Now. He will declare a National Security Emergency and clamp down Hard on Everybody, no matter where they live or why. If the guilty won't hold up their hands and confess, he and the Generals will ferret them out by force. Good luck. He is in for a profoundly difficult job -- armed as he is with no credible Military Intelligence, no witnesses and only the ghost of Bin Laden to blame for the tragedy. OK. It is 24 hours later now, and we are not getting much information about the Five Ws of this thing. The numbers out of the Pentagon are baffling, as if Military Censorship has already been imposed on the media. It is ominous. The only news on TV comes from weeping victims and ignorant speculators. The lid is on. Loose Lips Sink Ships. Don't say anything that might give aid to The Enemy. 9:46 PM -